I’m one of those people who says yes to everything. When anyone comes to me with something, I say, “Sure! I can do that!” I immediately start making a plan to accomplish the thing. Classic INFJ people pleaser right here.
I find myself doing this a lot. Like a whole lot. I get a lot of messages and emails these days. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE hearing from people. But there are some that I get WAY TOO involved in.
For instance… When I get a message from a guy who says his INFJ wife/girlfriend left him and he doesn’t know what to do. It’s usually an E type. He wants to WIN HER BACK because he feels he did NOTHING wrong. But an hour into the conversation (yes, an hour) we have established that she door slammed him because he cheated on her with her best friend.
Why am I talking to this dude again? Oh yeah. I just wanted to help.
Now I just want to call her and say, “YOU GO GIRL!!! So glad you got away from him!!!”
But why did I just put an hour of my time and energy and emotions into this conversation with this guy who I have no idea who he is??
Do you ever find yourself doing that? Cause it’s not just in messages. Sometimes it’s the guy who’s yelling in the office or the grocery store. All of the sudden you are invested and you don’t know how or why or how to make it stop!
I do this with TV shows too. I was bored one night and started watching 90 Day Fiance. OMG. Don’t do it. It’s an emotional TRAP. And then you get addicted and CAN’T STOP. It’s like watching a train wreck!!!
So this is how I spend my days. One message, email, TV show, grocery store dude after another and then I go home and crash. Do you do this too? That falling onto the couch so hard that you literally can’t move for 4 hours. You hope the remote is close otherwise you may end up watching whatever is on next and we all know that’s a dangerous gamble (probably how I got into 90 Day Fiance).
I don’t have kids or a husband who needs fed at night, thank God! I don’t know what I would do if other people depended on me. I feel for all of you wonderful mamma & wife warriors out there who manage to handle the crash and the kids! You are my heros and hopefully I will come to you for advice someday when I’m in your shoes.
For now, I relish the silence and the alone time.
How to avoid the crash
I know this crash sounds violent. That’s because it is. You have officially hit the burnout stage and you need to rest and regroup. If you are like me, this regrouping takes a hot minute. Like hours really. Sometimes days. Then I get so comfortable doing nothing and so afraid of the next crash that I just camp out for a while and avoid all the things. I’m not advising you to do this, I’m just telling you what I do.
How do you avoid this situation altogether or at least minimize it as much as possible? Say no. Two measly little letters that are so hard to put together. But that’s the only thing you can do.
You have to figure out what your priorities are. What’s the most important thing in your life right now? Once you know that, then you can start to eliminate everything else. But you have to focus on that goal, cause it’s so easy to get sidetracked by an email or a car driving too slow in the fast lane. Yep, that’s an energy sucker too.
Have a strategy
Saying no is so hard to do. I know. It’s a beast of a word. I like to plan ahead so I don’t get stuck and just say yes to avoid being awkward. So I think about all the things I say yes to and I figure out a better way for next time.
Here are a few of my examples:
- Wear headphones in the grocery store just to avoid listening to other people talk
- Listen to music or a podcast on the way home to avoid getting too aggravated by traffic
- Write down a reason why you can’t go out tonight or tomorrow
- I need to check with my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend
- I need to let my dog out
- I just got a new plant that needs watered
- Inform all of your friends that you need 72 hour notice before you are available for anything. “I’m all about boundaries now!”
- Only open your email/messages at certain times a day
- Turn the notifications off to avoid being distracted and curious about them
- Limit your screen time
It’s not rude
I know saying no to people sounds rude. It’s not. At some point you have to take care of yourself. You have to at least put yourself on the same level that you put everyone else. You’re important. Your health and wellness is so important too. If you don’t protect it, it will go away. Then you have to work twice as hard to get it back.
Filter out what’s not important and focus on what makes you happy. Say no to everything else. It’s hard at first. But it gets easier. I’m sure you can do it. I’m right there with you.